I spent last Friday morning at work crying. I was in my new job at my new hospital and in training. The training I took Friday morning was a mandatory two-hour computer-based session about the Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children or CSEC. I cried with the testimonials and the trauma described by survivors and experts in the field. I felt a combination of rage and helplessness while I watched and listened to the videos. Luckily, I was in an area where no one else was sitting around me, so I felt I could express my grief and despair without too much concern.
I think this is part of what scares me about being a pediatric nurse. I worry if I can emotionally regulate myself when working with abused or neglected children. I also wonder and hope I can recognize and report abuse should I ever encounter an abuse victim. As difficult as it was, I appreciated completing the training and felt it was valuable. As a nurse, I am a mandatory reporter and must report child abuse when I suspect it. However, I think the general population should also take the introductory training about the Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children to increase awareness, recognize and reduce risks, and maybe correct misconceptions about victims.
It is unlikely that the public would voluntarily take a two-hour training about the Sexual Exploitation of Children. Despite this, I hope to educate my readers and others who come across my blog or social media posts, because I think it’s important and is something I can easily do to help victims of CSEC. Some of the things I learned from the training are found below:
I can cry and grieve for these children, but I also want to take action. Let me know if you learned anything new from this post or if you found it helpful. I’m also curious to learn and hear from others about ways they support victims of the commercial sexual exploitation of children.
If you wondered what my calendar is like as a new graduate RN in a hospital residency program, this post provides some insight. I have classroom and skill sessions (didactic content) interspersed between 12-hour shifts at my hospital with a preceptor. The classroom sessions are more frequent at the beginning of the one-year residency. After the first month, there are fewer classroom and skills sessions and more shifts with a preceptor. Depending on the unit, a resident may have more or less didactic learning and preceptor shifts than other residents. For example, residents in the Emergency Department require more hours of didactic content and preceptor shifts than Med-Surge residents. I have 28 preceptor shifts for my particular unit and about 36 hours scheduled for didactic and hands-on skills sessions. The extensive orientation and formal training program are what attracted me to my hospital.
After the first 1.5 months, it seems the didactic portions take place about once or twice a month. My hospital hired me to work the night shift, and my preceptor works the night shift. During preceptorship, the resident’s schedule matches that of their preceptor. Some of my cohort-mates were hired into the night shift but have had day shift preceptors. It has been a new challenge for me, balancing working the night shift while trying to sleep and meet other obligations during the day, like spending time with my family or attending my daytime didactic sessions.
As a resident still on preceptorship, we’re not allowed to work overtime or during the holidays. This past week, I was unable to work Monday due to the Memorial Day holiday. However, I had work scheduled Tuesday through Friday morning and Saturday through Tuesday in addition to homework and exams I needed to finish. Sprinkled in my calendar are preschool pickups or drop-offs, grocery shopping, family outings, and other life events like my dear friend’s funeral. My schedule was as follows:
Sunday: complete homework/assignments Monday: Memorial Day holiday (not allowed to work) Tuesday: 8a-2:30p daytime classroom session (online) Wednesday: [7p-7:30a] night shift with preceptor A Thursday: night shift with preceptor A Friday: 10a – funeral/celebration of life mass Saturday: 4a-8a phlebotomy shadow Sunday: night shift with preceptor B Monday: night shift with preceptor B Tuesday: night shift with preceptor B
I mentioned my friend’s memorial mass to my preceptor Wednesday night only to ask where I might be able to shower or nap since the mass was at a church just down the street from the hospital. It wouldn’t be worth it to go home after my Thursday night shift and turn back around during rush hour traffic to attend my friend’s mass. After hearing my schedule, she offered to have me take Thursday off and reschedule that shift with her for another time. Initially, I refused, thinking it would reflect poorly on me not to work my total hours. Plus, I like my preceptor and did not want to reduce my shifts with her in the “shadowing” stage of my preceptorship. Yet, altering the rest of my schedule was impossible. I was determined to attend my friend’s mass in person Friday morning. I could not reschedule my Saturday shift since work already rescheduled it from the prior month due to the phlebotomist’s schedule. If I wanted to work the week of June 6, preceptor B was the only one available since my regular preceptor (preceptor A) would be on vacation that week for a family wedding.
As I sat there re-considering my preceptor’s offer to reschedule our Thursday shift together, I realized her offer was grace not often granted. As a resident tied to my preceptor, I’m not really on the schedule yet. My assigned preceptor is the only nurse listed on the roster for our shifts. Once I start working independently, it won’t be easy to take time off, especially since I’m only in my first year and have little paid time off accrued. I knew if I worked Thursday night, I would be drained and unable to rest Friday morning, which would add to me being an emotional wreck during my friend’s memorial mass. I returned to my preceptor and let her know I would take her up on her offer. I took Thursday night off.
I was grateful to be able to be present at my friend’s celebration of life mass. It was a blessing to be surrounded by those who loved her on Friday and remember her together. Unfortunately, not all those who lost loved ones during the pandemic had such an opportunity to gather in person. I was lucky that the pandemic death rate has slowed in our area, and churches loosened restrictions.
Part of the reason I became a nurse was to spend more time with my loved ones. I already worked 10-12 hour days in my previous job, but I worked five days a week. This past week’s events reminded me of how much I valued my loved ones and allowed me to create space for them and my well-being. I appreciate being a nurse, but I do not want work to come before loved ones (or my health) in my life.
It is Sunday afternoon. I need to be sleeping for my first three-sequential-night-shifts block, but I cannot sleep because I slept last night and have difficulty sleeping again during the day after a whole night’s sleep. I’m still figuring out a sleep schedule that works with my body. I’ve tried laying in bed, meditation, and prayer so I’ve given up sleeping today and figured I’d finish this blog post. I have never worked three shifts in a row before, let alone with the assigned preceptor (preceptor B) for the next three nights. I am nervous but excited to get a better sense of what it will be like to work three shifts per week as an independent nurse.