Lessons Without My Preceptor

I have been working without my preceptor since the beginning of August, or for about three weeks. I’m lucky to work in a place that values teamwork and helping one another because other nurses have helped or guided me on almost every shift since I’ve been off preceptorship. One of the biggest things I’ve learned and the best advice I’ve received as a new grad is to ASK FOR HELP.

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I have no problem asking for help or clarification when I am unsure how to do something. However, I get flustered when asking someone to do things for me when I think I can or should do such things for myself or my patient. At some point in my shifts, I may start falling behind, or the unexpected happens; if I want to stay on track or not be completely off-schedule, I must ask for and accept help and support. Other nurses have started IVs or completed bladder scans at the end of my shift for me, so I can finish passing meds or complete tasks for my other patients. While uncomfortable for me, I’ve learned to ask for help and accept the support and generosity of others. (Note to self: Never mess with a funky IV contraption that ED set up – it’s probably the only way they got it to work. Trying to “fix” it just before shift change can mess it up and cause you to lose IV access, requiring a new IV start as you scramble to do morning meds).

I’m on an exponential learning curve and make mistakes. Each week, I discover new ways of doing things inefficiently, incorrectly, or in ways that doctors, patients, or my manager do not prefer. [Un]fortunately, I am learning through experience and by doing. I make mistakes or feel so uncomfortable or irritated with my performance that I must consider various ways to improve or avoid making mistakes in the future to feel competent and more confident about my work.

Communication

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I’m still learning how various doctors want to communicate with nurses during the night shift. Some doctors prefer secure chat, while others only want phone calls. I’ve learned preference, of course, because I’ve utilized the opposite method of communication to what some doctors wish to use. Meanwhile, my manager advised only calling doctors in an email that I didn’t read until days after sending numerous notifications to doctors via secure chat. (I now try to be more diligent about checking my work email). Ultimately, if I need to urgently communicate with a doctor about a patient condition or issue, I will use whatever method allows me to get a hold of them. I’ve also learned that it’s better for a doctor to be upset because I communicated something they thought unimportant instead of not sharing a potential issue with a doctor. Also, I need to document every attempt at trying to reach a doctor. I had a doctor upset with me for contacting him so late in the evening, even though I called his answering service multiple times, hours earlier.

Compare and Despair


To be clear, my leadership or staff have not shamed me for my shortcomings. My leaders have been genuinely supportive and offer non-discriminatory methods of correction. I don’t feel singled out by my mistakes, and I know I’m not alone when I speak to others in my cohort. However, I measure my success by using others’ progress as my ruler. For example, one of my cohort-mates calmly activated and engaged in rapid response for one of his patients on only his fourth day without a preceptor. He received accolades from the leadership team, and our manager shared his praise with the rest of our cohort. I was so impressed and in awe by what my colleague faced and how he acted in crisis.

In comparison, during my second week, one of my patients fell. I was getting the patient’s medication in the med room when the fall occurred. Falls require an incident report and are a pretty big deal for hospitals. Thankfully, my patient did not get injured and was apologetic for the fall. I felt embarrassed and ashamed for having an incident and kept replaying the scenario and trying to understand what I could have done differently or how much worse it could have been. I have been vigilant with my patients’ bed alarms and documenting their fall education since that event.

Discovering What I Don’t Know


I have done things in less than ideal ways and made mistakes and will likely make more mistakes. However, instead of dwelling on my mistakes, I can focus on continual improvement. Am I learning from my past actions or others’ mistakes? Can I figure out how to minimize the chances for errors or prevent making the same mistakes again? Can I improve on my processes or methods? As a new nurse, I have so much room for improvement and growth. I don’t even know what I don’t know, and I keep discovering this each week.

I recently learned that I needed to administer or waste narcotics within a specific time from retrieving the medication(s) from our Omnicell. For the past three months, I dispensed and gave narcotic drugs while likely exceeding this time limit because I hadn’t known this guideline existed. I had no idea until a nurse on the floor mentioned it to me this month, and my manager emailed the team after his periodic department audit. Now that I know about this limit, I try to avoid other tasks after pulling a narcotic that may prevent me from immediately administering the medication to the patient.

From a poster in one of our break rooms

Moving Forward


As I’ve shared in previous posts, I’m still adjusting to working nights and have had difficulty sleeping. I think it’s also because I’ve developed stress-induced insomnia: I replay how my shifts went and how I could have done better. I can beat myself up about things I didn’t know or events I wished I had handled differently, or I can use these experiences as lessons and move forward.

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I write this blog to help others and because it allows me to process my experiences as a new nurse. It’s a way to release the ideas in my head so they don’t ruminate in my mind. My blog is also a reminder to focus on neutral or positive thoughts for self-encouragement and coaching. I consider how I would talk to a friend if they were experiencing what I was experiencing.

If you are a new nurse with anxiety before/during/after your shifts or beat yourself up over your mistakes, I am with you. Without realizing it, I survived the last night shift I had without caffeine; I think my stress response kicked in, and I was running on adrenaline. (Also, a unit secretary pointed out I was having hand tremors with the amount of caffeine I was consuming, so I’ve been trying to reduce my caffeine intake). I’m still figuring out the best ways to relieve my stress and practice self-care, just as I’m learning how to be the best nurse I can be. Besides lowering my caffeine intake, I try movement (yoga or hiking), meditating, blogging/journaling, or confiding in other nurses. It doesn’t matter how old, young, experienced, or inexperienced you are – there’s always room for growth and self-discovery.

This blog chronicles my nursing journey and serves as a journal of sorts, but I share my life to support and encourage others’ success and progress, too! I would love to hear from you: How do you give yourself grace while developing and growing? How do you move forward from mistakes? How do you practice self-care? For ideas, check out the past IG post I had about the Alphabet of Coping Mechanisms: https://www.instagram.com/p/B3uuR4ynB_9/

Reminder From My Preschool Graduate

My daughter graduated from preschool last week. During her graduation ceremony, she wore a cap and cape. Instead of the traditional cap and gown, she and her classmates wore capes displaying their chosen super-power. My daughter’s chosen super-power: “I CAN DO HARD THINGS.” The next day, she started her summer camp at a different school. Her best friend from preschool is not attending the same summer program, nor will she follow my daughter to kindergarten. I was probably more emotional about my daughter moving into a different environment after two years with the same preschool teachers and classmates. Despite the mixed feelings I had, my daughter had a seamless transition. She was sad to leave her best friend and other classmates but genuinely happy and excited to be in a new space and meet new friends. My daughter shed no tears about the transition (unlike me). I agree; my daughter can do hard things.

My daughter is a big reason I push myself and powered through to pursue nursing as a second career. I wanted her to know it’s never too late to pursue your dreams and that it’s okay to struggle. When she is frustrated at not doing things perfectly or independently immediately, I remind her that she can do hard things. I allow her to work a bit and put forth the effort to try things on her own. I don’t swoop in to save her or fix things right away.

A recent example of this is when my daughter tried opening a package. She wanted me to open a snack pack for her, but I said she could do it. She then tried once and asked me to open it. Again, I said she could do it. She tried again and became frustrated that she couldn’t do it. I talked her through how she could try holding it a particular way to make it easier to open. She still struggled. I began to wonder if she had enough grip strength. I still cheered her on. She eventually opened the package herself. She was proud of herself. So was I.

Sometimes things take hard work and practice before we become good at something. As a new grad nurse, I identify with this. I do not feel confident or even competent some nights. I thank God that I still have a preceptor. However, it won’t be long before I’m on my own. I know I’m capable, but I doubt my ability to do things all on time or wonder how I’d handle a demanding patient-load independently.

I understand it can take a year or two before some new grads begin to feel confident or secure in their competence. I am anxious about cutting the cord, having my assignments, and nursing solo. But I know I can do hard things. I have done hard things and can continue to do hard things.

Growth and development come from discomfort and pushing our limits. Getting better at something won’t come from doing what feels easy. Like my daughter, I’m going through a transition. I’m in a new environment with new people and doing unfamiliar things (compared to when I was an engineer with 18+ years of experience in the same company and people who knew me).

Sometimes, I have to remind myself what I teach my daughter. It might be good for me not to have a preceptor to “save” me next month, just as I don’t keep my daughter from a bit of struggle. I know it won’t be without hard work, but hopefully, I can be proud of myself as an independent nurse. Maybe you’re like me and need the reminder, too: “YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!”

Never Give Up: My New Grad RN Job Search Experience

I am happy to announce that I got a job as an acute care RN and started my new grad program at a hospital! I did not post last week because I was in orientation all week and transitioning into my new role. I am thrilled to be part of my program since it is at my top choice hospital and provides comprehensive training. While I’m excited to share my good news, I wanted to discuss what led me to land a spot in my new grad program. I share my job search experience to offer encouragement, hope, and advice to future new grad nurses.

I applied to the same program after getting rejected the first time.

I got rejected the first time I applied to my program last Fall. The hospital did not even invite me to interview. I applied a second time to the new grad program in January, interviewed in March, and got an offer two weeks later. Some differences when I applied the second time:

  • I had gained several months of experience as an RN (COVID tester),
  • I had earned additional certifications to add to my resume,
  • I finally knew a couple of nurses working in the hospital, one of whom put in a good word for me to their manager,
  • I tweaked my application based on what I heard about the need and availability of positions; I emphasized wanting acute care experience instead of working in a specialty.

I applied to 74 RN positions before I got my offer at my hospital.

The new grad program at my hospital was the very first RN job to which I applied. I continued to apply to other positions, but I was narrow in my search. I focused on the specialty I was interested in and expressed this in my new grad program personal statements. After months of submitting applications and not getting any interviews, I expanded my job search to include Med-Surge/Telemetry positions. I finally landed my first acute care RN interview in a Telemetry unit. In the interview, I expressed strong interest in eventually transferring to a specialty unit within five years. I learned they were interested in me but concerned I wouldn’t be happy in the department and abandon them. They did not give me the job offer. 

As my search continued, I learned not to narrow my focus to a specialty unit when I had no hospital experience. Once hired, it’s much easier to switch positions internally than to be an external hire. I still have a strong interest in the specialty unit. However, my priority as a new grad is to gain acute care experience and develop my nursing practice in a supportive and safe environment. In my new grad program, no specialty unit positions were available where I initially focused my search. Still, I applied and was determined to have a spot in the program because of the training and development I knew it would provide me. So far, I’ve been happy with my choice and have been learning a lot!

I worked as a COVID tester and vaccinator while applying to new grad programs and acute RN positions.

One of the 74 positions I applied for was a contract RN supporting studios as a COVID tester. Thankfully, I got the job. It was a great way to get experience working as an RN while still having enough flexibility to apply to hospital RN jobs and interview. More recruiters were interested in me once I became a working RN. Also, after working several months, my employer wrote a lovely reference letter for me that I submitted with my applications and included in my portfolio. A handful of positions required an employer reference. It was nice to be able to provide an employer reference from the healthcare industry.

I interviewed at five hospitals before I accepted an offer to join my program.

I applied to many acute care RN positions, with numerous ones at the same hospital or same unit but day and night shift positions. After applying, working, and networking, I eventually got invited to interview for some hospitals. However, most of these interviews took place only because I knew someone internally who advocated for me. 

After unsuccessfully job searching on my own, I began to reach out to friends and family members in healthcare to let them know I was searching for hospital RN jobs. I also spoke with other nurses I met in my per diem job about their hospital jobs or connections. One of my coworkers got me an interview at her hospital! Most of the hospital interviews I had were because someone I knew convinced a hiring manager or director to interview me. 

If you don’t know someone, it’s not impossible to get an interview. One of the interviews I had where I knew no one in the organization resulted in an on-the-spot job offer. I eventually turned it down and accepted a spot in my current new grad program instead.

I persevered after rejections or no feedback.

I applied to many programs or positions where I received no feedback for months or not at all – I would be listed as “under consideration” several months after applying. The first time I applied to my program in September, I didn’t receive my official rejection until November, months after my application submission. I tried contacting and leaving messages with some of the recruiters for other job submissions but would still get little to no response.

It was frustrating to hear people’s surprise at my difficulty finding a job: “Isn’t there a shortage of nurses? We’re in a pandemic – don’t they need nurses?” I had to explain that organizations need experienced nurses, and I had no experience. 

My lack of experience working in healthcare was a disadvantage for me. I knew many of my classmates that quickly found jobs had prior healthcare experience working as surgical technicians, CNAs, Patient Care Associates (PCA), EMTs, or nurse extenders. The majority of my cohort completed their preceptorships at a hospital that used them after completing their clinical hours as nurse extenders or surge nurses in preparation for and during the COVID surge. I’ve learned if you can work in healthcare before you graduate, it’s much easier to find a job as a nurse.

Additionally, new grad programs were difficult to find or were highly competitive since many had been canceled or delayed. While I was disappointed at not getting accepted into programs earlier or not having acute care RN offers to consider sooner, I wonder if the rejections were God’s grace saving me from starting a job amid a COVID surge. A former classmate shared she cried before most of her shifts due to the deaths she witnessed. Another friend shared that many new grads in her unit were pulled off orientation less than two weeks into their training to help with the surge. In various ways, new and veteran nurses that worked during the surges were traumatized by the pandemic. If I had started working in a hospital sooner, COVID would have impacted my nursing experience in a much different way. In retrospect, I’m thankful for the rejections and disappointments in my life that led me to where I am today.

Never Give Up

I did not envision starting a job in a hospital almost nine months after graduating from nursing school. However, I trusted in my skills and abilities and knew that I had something to offer and had to keep trying. I was unsure of when or where I would work as an acute care RN, but I was confident in eventually getting a job somewhere and remained passionate about wanting to help people. 

If you have a calling, go for it. If it’s truly your calling, opportunities will present themselves to you to lead you to your vocation, no matter how much you try to ignore it. The road may not be easy and may come with disappointments and rejections, but it might be what you need to direct you to your ultimate calling. Good luck on your journey!

An Unexpected Dead End

A couple of weeks ago, I witnessed a tense interaction in a parking lot. I decided to visit a specialty market on the way home from an outing with my daughter and a friend. My daughter fell asleep by the time we arrived in the parking lot. Not wanting to wake my preschooler from this rare nap, I patiently waited and sat with my daughter in the car so that my friend could shop.

Our spot was at the end of a parking row, adjacent to an island with trees. A big semi-truck pulled up to park parallel to the island beside me. The driver startled me because he kept scraping his truck against the branches, snapping twigs off, twisting the tree with every adjustment. I was so bewildered by the tree mangling taking place next to my car that I hadn’t noticed this person’s actions caused a commotion in the spot diagonal from me. Because the semi-truck driver parked the way he did, he ended up blocking the end of the parking row across from me. As people were trying to leave and drive off in the direction of the truck, they realized they were arriving at a dead end. A traffic jam formed.

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The car diagonal from me tried to back up to exit the parking row, but a car blocked him from behind. Fortunately, the car beside me left, leaving room for the vehicle diagonal from me to drive forward to exit the parking lot. However, there was still yelling and commotion from the drivers as they were leaving. One man was mad that the semi-truck created a dead end. The other driver reasoned with him, “Or, you could just turn around!” The other argued, “I shouldn’t f*ing have to turn around!!” Eventually, they both drove through the empty parking spots beside my car, with the stubborn, angry driver still cursing expletives as he drove off.

Thankfully, my daughter napped through this entire interaction. After the drivers left, I continued to sit in the car to wait for my friend and reflect on what I saw. One of the driver’s reactions made the whole situation more stressful for everyone. It made me tense to watch and hear them yell at one another. While it is irritating that the semi-truck unexpectedly blocked one end of the parking row, people could have chosen to exit on the other end once they realized one side had a dead end. This lot did not have one-way parking rows.

The driver was correct in pointing out to the other driver that he could turn around. However, the irate driver was stuck on the fact that he didn’t create the scenario and shouldn’t have to adjust his actions. By him refusing to move, he remained stuck and blocked the path for others. He was angry and miserable and spread this sentiment to those around him. In life, we may encounter obstacles caused by other people’s actions. Our reaction shapes our resiliency. While resilient people may have experienced hardship or unfortunate circumstances, they do not dwell on their victimhood. Resilient people focus on ways to get out of a bad situation instead of bringing others down with them.

Every person encounters obstacles or dead ends. While we have good reason to be angry or upset by unexpected obstacles – particularly ones caused by others – we have choices for how we react. You can wait for a barrier to be removed, maneuver around the roadblock, or force the obstruction to clear. All are valid reactions. However, I encourage you to choose what empowers you (and hopefully does not bring others misery). Staying stuck and blaming it on others is not productive, nor is it empowering, yet these were the actions of the irate driver. He was so upset by what the semi-truck driver had done that he took it out on those around him and didn’t notice or care that he was blocking others with his car.

In my life, I have to confess, I have acted like that man. Have you? Sometimes it takes a while to learn that certain hardships may not be my fault, but I am still accountable for how I react to them. You can complain about something or someone, but are you willing to take action and do something about it? Are you venting a lot to your friends about the same things over and over? I was a continual complainer, years ago, about my job and a relationship. As a result, I began to look into a career change and am now a second-career nurse. As for that problematic relationship, well, it ended. However, because of my experiences in that relationship, I attended Al-Anon and began to accept and embrace the idea, “I can’t control others. I can only control myself.”

You will encounter obstacles and roadblocks in your life. You can be stuck and blame others for it, or you can recognize that you can move in other directions. You are the driver of your own life. You can’t control other drivers. Choose to be empowered and resilient as you encounter unexpected detours or inconsiderate drivers in your life’s journey!

Spring Blooms and Cultivation

Last Tuesday, I had the good fortune of spending time with a good friend from Nursing School and enjoying some Spring blooms. We went to an outdoor cafe and visited a botanic garden afterward. If we had not chosen Nursing as our second career, we would have never met, nor would we be able to take a mid-week lunch across town with our previous Monday – Friday jobs. We also likely would not be fully vaccinated at this point to spend time together comfortably. Our mini outing is one of the many reasons I am happy to have chosen Nursing as a career.

My Rainbow Latte I had during brunch with my friend – I enjoyed all the colors of the day!

I took photos of the colorful flowers I saw in the garden, and I noticed some had not yet fully bloomed – they were still buds. It reminded me of us and our careers since we are only at the beginning of our nursing careers. We are both working nurses (COVID testers) but start our new grad programs at our respective hospitals in a couple of weeks.

I may feel like a “late in life bloomer,” but I look forward to what’s to come. It took patience and persistence to get where I am. I continue to be cultivated and hope I have chosen an environment that allows me to grow and thrive. I had multiple opportunities to work at different hospitals – I accepted the offer at the hospital that didn’t offer the highest pay but had the most extensive training program. I think a general life lesson I’ve learned is: Nourish yourself whenever possible and try placing yourself in conditions that enable you to develop and “bloom.”

After the lovely garden outing with my friend, I came across an old journal I had. In it, I wrote, “What friendships or relationships are restorative or allow you to grow? Cultivate those.” My “nursing school friend” has become one of my best friends. It’s hard to imagine my surviving my nursing school journey (or brutal new grad job search) without her encouragement, support, or commiseration. She is also a mom and knows what it’s like to balance family with work or school. Nursing school is over, but our friendship is not. Our friendship continues to thrive. I don’t think it’s an accident that I came across this quote this week. I think it’s an affirmation and reminder of how lucky I am to have my friend and others like her in my life. May it serve as an affirmation for you as well.

Enjoy this Spring season! Cultivate the relationships in your life, whether it be professional or personal, that nourish you and allow you to grow. Take time to appreciate the blooms and what’s about to blossom in your own life!

Life is hard, but you can do hard things

I was inspired by a quote I saw in a post about life not being easy:

“Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.

Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.

Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard.

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Choose wisely”

-Author unknown

I don’t know who authored the original quote, but I thought I’d add my own spin on it.

Also, I want to tell you something I tell my daughter (and myself) : “YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS”.

I am my daughter’s first and foremost female role model. How she sees me react to struggle or hard things makes an impression on her.  I am not perfect. I struggle and often make mistakes. However, I want my daughter to see me handle difficult things and be resilient. She needs to know it’s okay to try again after failure or to continuously attempt hard things. The best way to teach her that is through my own actions.

Life isn’t easy. We don’t always have easy or favorable choices. We often have hard choices. But our resiliency and how we handle hard choices is what shapes us and makes us stronger. Know you’re not alone.

Why I Blog – Reflections of a Mature/Mom Student Nurse

It is surreal how my and my daughter’s lives have been paralleling one another throughout my nursing journey. When I applied to colleges to complete my nursing pre-requisites, I also submitted preschool applications for my daughter. I was shocked to learn that preschool wait-list applications cost more than college applications. Some preschool application fees/deposits were 1.5 times more than the application fee for our local community college! This week, I had a significant job interview with my top choice employer. In the same afternoon, I received a call to schedule an interview for my daughter for a language-immersion kindergarten. We’re both interviewing for something that sets the foundation and determines how our lives will be for years to come. If I get into my desired new graduate nursing program, I can see myself staying at that hospital until retirement. If she gets into this language-immersion program and accepts the spot, she commits to attending the school for the next six years. 

Most of my other nursing school classmates did not have to contend with commandeering significant change in one’s own life while being responsible for someone else’s life and wellbeing or a family budget. You may be the only parent in your class. Or, like me, you may be older than every student in your classrooms. You are not alone. Other people have been in that situation before or are in that situation currently, perhaps at another school. I write this blog because I want you to know it’s possible to earn a college degree later in life, even with kids. It’s possible to start over with a nursing career, even after a lifetime in another role. Everyone has their unique struggles or responsibilities, and while you might feel alone in yours, know that you are not. There are registered nurses who have had to repeat a semester or more of nursing school. Some nurses I know were pregnant or dealing with a loved one’s death during nursing school. I’ve read stories of students getting cancer treatments during their nursing program or single moms balancing working and nursing school with their family life. If nursing is your calling, you will find your way, as countless others have. 

Your career path may not look like the paths of other nurses or nursing students you currently know. Your burdens or responsibilities may not be the same as your classmates’. For instance, my classmates did not struggle to potty-train their child while studying for finals, as I did. However, I assure you that there is a nurse with a story similar to yours. Whether you are in nursing school or already a nurse, I invite you to share your story. There’s likely something in your nursing journey that others may find relatable or inspiring. A future nurse might need your encouragement.

I blog for the possibility that someone is encouraged by my story. I blog for the person doubting their abilities or overwhelmed by their circumstances. I blog for mature students who might recognize themselves in me. You don’t have to be a blogger to share your story. Other ideas include:

  • Accepting career day invitations for schools.
  • Being a guest speaker for after-school programs.
  • Joining your alumni association mentorship program as a mentor or recruiter for future students.
  • Providing helpful or encouraging feedback to communities for nursing students online.

Thank you for reading my blog and allowing me to share. I find when we share ourselves, it permits others to do the same. Good luck on your journey – and share your story!

Sage Reminders about Moving Forward

I attended a retreat when I was younger where the speaker talked about going on a journey in a car as a metaphor for life. As the driver of your life, you may have a map or route in mind and see the road ahead. Every once in a while, you look at your rearview mirror. While moving forward in life with your plans, it’s worthwhile to reflect periodically and look back at your life, your rearview mirror. However, no one drives a car long-distances by focusing ONLY on the rearview mirror. In the same way, to move forward with life, you cannot be stuck in the past.

As I’ve shared, I’ve been interviewing for new grad nurse positions. Some interviews have gone well, and some have not. I need to look back at my interviews to understand where I can improve and what I did well to move forward in future applications or interviews. However, it doesn’t serve me to beat myself up and ruminate over any mistakes I might have made. I can be overly critical of myself, but that’s crippling and doesn’t help me. It’s important instead to learn from my mistakes and consider what I can do differently the next time I encounter the same scenario. I suppose I needed reminders to not dwell on my shortcomings and be solutions-oriented instead – I have an important interview next week. Throughout this past week, I have noticed messages reminding me about how my focus determines my path.

My first reminder came in a reflection from a 2021 Lenten devotional I’ve been reading, “Embrace This Holy Season” by Joseph F. Sica. In the February 22 entry entitled “Getting Past the Past,” Joseph F. Sica shared:

“When you find yourself being drawn back into the pain and negative experiences, choose to focus on the present—on what is happening right now—and recognize that history is history. To get past your past, you need to accept it as it was and leave it there. Then pay deliberate attention to this moment—a time that’s never been before and is loaded with opportunities and possibilities. All you have to do is seize them.”

He then offers the helpful practice of taping the following quote to a mirror: “Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way.” It reminded me of the retreat speaker sharing the story about driving using one’s rearview mirror. While I wouldn’t suggest NEVER looking back, don’t be fixated on life’s rearview mirror.

My second reminder came in an email from Marie Forleo, an entrepreneur. She was talking about her relationship with her husband and shared the following:

“Human minds are wired to scan for what’s wrong, especially when it comes to our significant other. We criticize, correct, and attempt to control them. We’re quick to judge and point out (either in our head or out loud) what’s not working. My suggestion? Stop that ASAP. Where attention goes, energy flows. Make a commitment to keep looking for what’s right about your partner. Focus on what they did do, who they are as a soul, and what’s wonderful about them — then proactively and verbally acknowledge that to them consistently.”

While Marie Forleo was talking about relationships, her statement about energy going where our attention flows applies to life, in general. We can focus on mistakes we’ve made in the past, our shortcomings, or we can focus on our strengths and continual improvement. As someone starting over in my career, I need to acknowledge when I do things right because it is easy for me to self-criticize when I do something wrong or not exactly how I would have liked. I’m still learning and developing as a novice nurse, and I need to give myself some grace.

Finally, my third reminder came from Brene Brown, a researcher who focuses on shame and vulnerability. She has a podcast and had a guest, Dr. Edith Eger, discuss “Recognizing the Choices and Gifts in Our Lives.” Below is a quote from Dr. Eger that caught my eye while I was on LinkedIn:

I love the concept of finding an arrow and following it. We can’t move forward without an idea of our destination. Otherwise, we’re just wandering. If I make mistakes, after attempting to correct them, I need to know how to prevent them from happening again or improve myself. I’ve lived long enough to come to an understanding that God will present me with the same lesson over and over until I learn from it. Without a path to move forward, we may end up in circles.

Maybe you, too, needed gentle reminders to focus on moving forward. Perhaps you need to acknowledge your gifts and talents instead of dwelling on your shortcomings. Learn from your mistakes and move onward. Envision what you want, be assured of yourself, and head in that direction!

COVID Mass Vaccination Clinic and Lenten Encouragment

This past week was a little whirlwind filled with holidays, starting with Valentine’s Day, followed by President’s Day, Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday, then Ash Wednesday. I worked the early part of this week at a mass vaccination site in LA County. It was the first time I had the opportunity to administer the COVID vaccine in my job. I was glad to be of service to so many in the community and happy to network with so many nurses.

It was tiring to be out in the sun, on my feet all day, in a stadium parking lot to either observe patients or give vaccines. Despite my achy feet and slight sunburn, I was grateful to contribute to the vaccine clinic. Patients were appreciative to get the vaccine. Amidst the 4,000 people we were vaccinating each day, I saw an old co-worker and friend I hadn’t seen in 3 years since I left my previous career to become a nurse. I took it as assurance that I am where I’m supposed to be, even if I’m still searching for a new grad hospital position. I also met experienced nurses who gave me suggestions and offered help in getting me a hospital job. I took that as a blessing and another sign that I’m where I’m supposed to be. The other nurses and I worked as a team and got to know one another. While supporting the community and each other, we enjoyed the perks of beautiful weather, stadium views over our lunch breaks, and food provided by the event organizers.

Fat Tuesday lunchtime views with my complimentary cheeseburger.

After a long day of work on Wednesday, I attended Ash Wednesday mass virtually at home. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Lenten season. In his homily, my pastor exclaimed, “Don’t let a good pandemic go to waste!” It’s a strange thing to say, perhaps, but it offers guidance. Now, more than ever, we can slow down and not lead such hectic lives. I don’t have the excuses I once had about my pre-pandemic schedule being busy. My family and I can’t go to parties, attractions, museums, restaurants, bars, or friend’s homes like we used to. Instead of running around with our schedules filled, we can choose to spend time in meditation, prayer, or reflection. We can (re-)connect with others and build relationships using the technology available to us. (I’ve recently discovered the app, Marco Polo, and highly recommend it for connecting with others via private video messages)! I want to use this pandemic and Lent to re-focus on my spiritual well-being.

One of the things I’ve decided to do for Lent is to meditate or reflect on scripture each day. Luckily, my church is offering a daily devotional for parishioners to use during Lent, “Embrace This Holy Season” by Joseph Sica. I have enjoyed it so far.

On one of the days I had off from the vaccine clinic, I had my car serviced. I decided to pack my Med-Surge review book with me along with my devotional and bible. (I’m reviewing the Med-Surge book to prepare for an upcoming interview). The bible and “Embrace This Holy Season” were for me to complete my daily Lenten commitment. While the dealership serviced my car, I went for a walk, grabbed a coffee, and found an empty bench for me to study and meditate. I hadn’t taken time for myself like that in a very long time; it was glorious!

When I was a younger adult, I disliked the solemnity of the Lenten season. I appreciated the focus of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, but it seemed like such a dark time. Now that I’m older, I appreciate the preparation Lent is for Easter. Lent is like a “time-out” for me to focus on my spiritual practices.

The Lenten reflection from Joseph Sica’s book for the day was about being ourselves and loving ourselves. I found it inspiring and a great reminder. I share parts of the reflection here with you, in case you need to read/hear it, too:

Some of you may not be Christian or observe Lent. Regardless, I encourage you to take time for yourself every once in a while for reflection or meditation. Create time for peace and quiet, if you can. Some of you have gratitude journals or practice hygge. This Lent, I commit to daily meditation and reflection. Even if you don’t observe Lent, maybe consider what you can do to make the most out of this pandemic. “Don’t let a good pandemic go to waste!” Can you use this time apart from others to gain clarity? Can you practice self-acceptance and appreciation? I love to hear how others practice self-care or self-love during this pandemic! Good luck on your journey!