COVID Mass Vaccination Clinic and Lenten Encouragment

This past week was a little whirlwind filled with holidays, starting with Valentine’s Day, followed by President’s Day, Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday, then Ash Wednesday. I worked the early part of this week at a mass vaccination site in LA County. It was the first time I had the opportunity to administer the COVID vaccine in my job. I was glad to be of service to so many in the community and happy to network with so many nurses.

It was tiring to be out in the sun, on my feet all day, in a stadium parking lot to either observe patients or give vaccines. Despite my achy feet and slight sunburn, I was grateful to contribute to the vaccine clinic. Patients were appreciative to get the vaccine. Amidst the 4,000 people we were vaccinating each day, I saw an old co-worker and friend I hadn’t seen in 3 years since I left my previous career to become a nurse. I took it as assurance that I am where I’m supposed to be, even if I’m still searching for a new grad hospital position. I also met experienced nurses who gave me suggestions and offered help in getting me a hospital job. I took that as a blessing and another sign that I’m where I’m supposed to be. The other nurses and I worked as a team and got to know one another. While supporting the community and each other, we enjoyed the perks of beautiful weather, stadium views over our lunch breaks, and food provided by the event organizers.

Fat Tuesday lunchtime views with my complimentary cheeseburger.

After a long day of work on Wednesday, I attended Ash Wednesday mass virtually at home. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Lenten season. In his homily, my pastor exclaimed, “Don’t let a good pandemic go to waste!” It’s a strange thing to say, perhaps, but it offers guidance. Now, more than ever, we can slow down and not lead such hectic lives. I don’t have the excuses I once had about my pre-pandemic schedule being busy. My family and I can’t go to parties, attractions, museums, restaurants, bars, or friend’s homes like we used to. Instead of running around with our schedules filled, we can choose to spend time in meditation, prayer, or reflection. We can (re-)connect with others and build relationships using the technology available to us. (I’ve recently discovered the app, Marco Polo, and highly recommend it for connecting with others via private video messages)! I want to use this pandemic and Lent to re-focus on my spiritual well-being.

One of the things I’ve decided to do for Lent is to meditate or reflect on scripture each day. Luckily, my church is offering a daily devotional for parishioners to use during Lent, “Embrace This Holy Season” by Joseph Sica. I have enjoyed it so far.

On one of the days I had off from the vaccine clinic, I had my car serviced. I decided to pack my Med-Surge review book with me along with my devotional and bible. (I’m reviewing the Med-Surge book to prepare for an upcoming interview). The bible and “Embrace This Holy Season” were for me to complete my daily Lenten commitment. While the dealership serviced my car, I went for a walk, grabbed a coffee, and found an empty bench for me to study and meditate. I hadn’t taken time for myself like that in a very long time; it was glorious!

When I was a younger adult, I disliked the solemnity of the Lenten season. I appreciated the focus of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, but it seemed like such a dark time. Now that I’m older, I appreciate the preparation Lent is for Easter. Lent is like a “time-out” for me to focus on my spiritual practices.

The Lenten reflection from Joseph Sica’s book for the day was about being ourselves and loving ourselves. I found it inspiring and a great reminder. I share parts of the reflection here with you, in case you need to read/hear it, too:

Some of you may not be Christian or observe Lent. Regardless, I encourage you to take time for yourself every once in a while for reflection or meditation. Create time for peace and quiet, if you can. Some of you have gratitude journals or practice hygge. This Lent, I commit to daily meditation and reflection. Even if you don’t observe Lent, maybe consider what you can do to make the most out of this pandemic. “Don’t let a good pandemic go to waste!” Can you use this time apart from others to gain clarity? Can you practice self-acceptance and appreciation? I love to hear how others practice self-care or self-love during this pandemic! Good luck on your journey!

Perfect is the Enemy of Good

*My imperfect attempt at lettering the title of this post. I could have spent more time making it pretty, but I would have never published my post. It would have been ridiculous and ironic to delay my post to make my lettering nicer, given my post’s subject, so I went with it.

I had my annual physical yesterday with my primary care physician, whom I’ve been going to for over 20 years. I like her because she takes time to talk to me and check in on my emotional and mental state rather than focus solely on my physical ailments. She was happy and excited to learn I had graduated from nursing school. She asked whether I planned to have more kids. I shared my anxiety over my ability to have another healthy child at my advanced maternal age. I started to talk about parenting and the guilt I feel about being an older mom to my daughter. She knows me well, however, and knows I can be overly critical of myself.

I responded that this was the problem with being a perfectionist; I recognize I can be needlessly hard on myself. She declared, “I want to eliminate the word ‘perfectionist.’ What if we replaced perfectionist with ‘overly critical’? No one wants to be overly critical!”

“What if we replaced ‘perfectionist’ with ‘overly critical’? No one wants to be overly critical!”

Dr. M

I tried to explain I am not proud to be a perfectionist and am trying to change. Still, I shared how my perfectionist attitude got me through pre-requisites and helped me complete a competitive accelerated nursing program. She shared how she can relate to this and proceeded to tell her story when she was younger.

When she was in medical school, residents were required to go to counseling. She met with the counselor, who eventually noted, “You have a harsh critic inside, don’t you?” The counselor encouraged her not to be so critical, “You don’t yell and scream at a two-year-old to learn their alphabet. You don’t yell and scream at a toddler to get them to walk. You don’t have to be so difficult on yourself”. My doctor defiantly declared to her counselor that she had no intention to change since her harsh critic served her well. My doctor rationalized to her counselor that she accomplished her goals and got to medical school because of her “harsh critic.” Her counselor responded that she didn’t do those things BECAUSE of her harsh critic; she completed those things DESPITE her.

I appreciated my doctor’s story because it paints an alternative to being “overly critical.” As a parent, I can relate to the patience and compassion needed to teach a child a new skill. I could scream and make my daughter cry about brushing and flossing her teeth, for instance, but there are other ways I can guide and encourage her. In the same way, I can choose different ways to talk to and motivate myself. I don’t have to suffer so much by my internal critic or be perfect to achieve my goals.

I have had to consciously and regularly examine the toll of aiming for perfection in nursing school. I shared how I would reason, “I could kill myself to get 100% on a care plan, or, I could spend more time with my family and get a 93%.” After hearing this, my doctor exclaimed, “Perfect is the enemy of good.” She echoed what I have struggled to remind myself over the years.

“Perfect is the enemy of good.”

Dr. M

There’s a book entitled “Good to Great” by James C. Collins that my pastor talked about during one of his homilies years ago. From it, my pastor learned and shared, “Good is the enemy of great.” I never got around to reading the best-selling book, but that message stuck with me: I would challenge myself to do better. I’d ask myself if my work or actions were the best I could do. At some point, however, I’d get discouraged and have an all-or-nothing attitude. If I couldn’t do things as well as I thought I should, I didn’t want to do it at all, or I’d scrap an entire project. I’d be ashamed of myself and compare myself to others. Striving to be perfect, I would feel frustrated, resentful, and spent. However, years since that homily, I’ve often thought, “Perfect is the enemy of good enough.”

While I do not advocate living one’s life by always doing only the bare minimum, sometimes the bare minimum maintains my sanity. “Good enough” has allowed me to survive and move forward from perceived failure. I’m learning to ask myself more often, “What’s it going to take?” and “Is it worth it?” (like in writing dreaded care plans) or “How can I approach this without so much suffering”? I still need reminders to be gentle with myself and that not everything has to be perfect to be great, so it was nice to hear my doctor affirm my previous thought.

I appreciated my doctor taking the time to remind me: perfect is the enemy of good. No one is perfect. Humans are imperfect and fallible, and it’s our struggles that lead to our growth…And sometimes, “good enough” is pretty frickin’ remarkable.